Fuck Gods Said... uh... NOT!

It's not generally a good thing.... when the response to a question like: "Is everything ok with you, you seem kind of off?"

is: "I'd rather talk to you in person."

That was about 7:20 this morning. We might get to talk this evening, 9 ish.

So the natural human process is two-fold me thinks. Firstly, contemplating the possible 'issues' and secondly assessing likely responses/reactions to said issues. *laughing*

I had the talk with him a few weeks back. I realized how instead of this wonderful thing enriching my life, nourishing my spirit consistently, I found myself feeling empty as I drove away sometimes. I percolated and stewed... I sorted and figured... until I was clear what my issue was. I need connection, period. It doesn't have to be 'romantic', but it does have to be real and have depth and closeness. I came to a place of peace... simply put... I was at peace with whatever the outcome might be - that we had run our course (and what wonderful delights we experienced) or that we could find a way to match our needs in this friendship of ours. It's been wonderful since then actually. At least for me, apparently not so much for him it would seem.

Apparently something has changed for him. Perhaps he has met someone. Perhaps I've pissed him off with something I said or did. He may have heard something from mutual aquaintances he isn't comfortable with. It might be too close for him, too connected, too much. He may want it different. He may want it over.

My gut says this may well be the end, or the process of ending. I just hope that it ends or moves to the next phase in a way that is reflective of our experience together... direct, honest, respectful, caring... that I get what is most important to me... to stay in each others' lives, connected friends.

So I guess the Fuck Gods aren't in a compliant type of mood huh? To think, I'm all smooth for nothing! *shrug*