Letting Go?

I long for what was
I long to feel the rush of you fill me

I want to see the fire in your eyes
It isn't there, or it's masked, I'm not sure which

I miss your touch
I mean the kind that was a conversation of souls, two friends connected
The kind that turned me inside out and left me... Yours
The kind that sent tingles through me

You haven't been.... hungry in a while
I miss that too
I miss you - knowing you, feeling you, trusting you
Best sex we ever had was.... intense, raw, real
Not controlled, not safe

I miss feeling certain of my.... place in your life, in your heart
Ya, I guess it's about respect too
Genuine caring exchanged
I miss the depth that used to exist
It's how I do friendship - open, exposed, alive

Where is the man who let me in?
Where is the man who let me see his pain, fear, anger, ecstasy, laughter, joy - who trusted me with the insides?
What did I do to lose your trust my friend?
Or is it not about trust at all?

Where is the man who surprised me by bringing out Depak Chopra?
Where is the man whose openness and affection opened me in a way I've never known?
Was he the real you... or is this him?

Is this distance between us your wish, is it what you want?
Withholding, closed, guarded, casual?
I wonder why?

We are quickly approaching.... luke warm, mediocrity
It seems so without dimension now, without connection
It lessens the experience in ways measurable and not

Every now and then, there is a glimmer of you
A flash of what was
But then cavalier returns
Distance
Cool or cold

You've changed me
The intensity requirement
It was always there.... but it's... even more now

I'm not used to indifference in my life
From you
From us

Slow decline
Gradual withdrawal
Unspoken words, weighted space between us
Unanswered questions never asked out loud, at least not directly

It's not me, not how I do things - with friends with family with lovers
With anyone who truly matters to me

Trying not to hurt me?
Wanting to lesson the impact?
Overwhelmed with the weight of your life?
Or scared of the possibilities?
Maybe getting clear of the shrapnel present in my life currently?

I give and need The Invitation....

"I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back"

I've never done safe with you
Nope, exposed
It's not me to do half way
Not with you
Not in my life

Ya, I miss my friend