The Unposted
You know the ones. The posts you start, ideas not complete... you write and sometimes edit, leave it, come back but can't quite get it just how you mean it? I have a few of those. This one, below in bold, is from almost 4 weeks ago. I read it today, after last night, and well... it just struck me is all.
He asked if it scared me. I said it did, at first. There is still.... hmmm... a sense of 'the unknown' now, but it isn't fear, it's vulnerability - willing vulnerability. We are, entwined. That simply is the way it is. Neither of us expected it to evolve to this, not like this. I know I didn't. I knew we'd be more than we started as, I knew that early. And that door opening addressed on Mystic Longing... ya, it certainly made clear there'd be intensity and depth. To let someone see all of me - the insides, the parts that aren't perfectly presented, the parts that are fragile - is the biggest leap for me. That's my biggest risk right there - strong secure bitch, yup, one tough nut - letting the soft bits that wound and bleed be exposed, showing the cuts and scars of life - nope doesn't come easy. Soul revealed, unprotected. And to do it when there are so many unknowns, very unlike me. I don't want it any other way with him though, I know that.
I knew this would come to pass. I knew this feeling I have right now was absolutely going to happen. I just didn't think it would be now, I thought there was still more time. I chose to open, I chose to risk, I did it with my eyes open wide, I'm not sorry. And, I choose to remain open, exposed.
From Oriah - yes, The Invitation again -
"And I would do it all again. I would not trade one moment of the loving for the assurance of a predictable outcome or protection of my pride."
I stood there today - God, that very same place staring out into the garden - he came up from behind, his arms around me... and the thought that washed over me "this is where it all started, and this is where it's ending". I shared it with him, well...the first part, he addressed the second part - said, "and no, it's not ending here".
Everything has a place and time, a purpose. We're evolving from something to something else, and I'm not sure what we will be, but I do know this: I am grateful for knowing him, feel profoundly fortunate to have been able to experience the depth and connection we have, and I wouldn't give one moment of it up, to stop any possible pain, wouldn't make it less so I can reduce the risk, wouldn't trade it for - "the assurance of a predictable outcome or protection of my pride."
We've touched each other, the inside places, secret private places. I believe there is still more touching to do. I won't close to the possibility of whatever else this 'thing' we are has in store for us.
He asked if it scared me. I said it did, at first. There is still.... hmmm... a sense of 'the unknown' now, but it isn't fear, it's vulnerability - willing vulnerability. We are, entwined. That simply is the way it is. Neither of us expected it to evolve to this, not like this. I know I didn't. I knew we'd be more than we started as, I knew that early. And that door opening addressed on Mystic Longing... ya, it certainly made clear there'd be intensity and depth. To let someone see all of me - the insides, the parts that aren't perfectly presented, the parts that are fragile - is the biggest leap for me. That's my biggest risk right there - strong secure bitch, yup, one tough nut - letting the soft bits that wound and bleed be exposed, showing the cuts and scars of life - nope doesn't come easy. Soul revealed, unprotected. And to do it when there are so many unknowns, very unlike me. I don't want it any other way with him though, I know that.
I knew this would come to pass. I knew this feeling I have right now was absolutely going to happen. I just didn't think it would be now, I thought there was still more time. I chose to open, I chose to risk, I did it with my eyes open wide, I'm not sorry. And, I choose to remain open, exposed.
From Oriah - yes, The Invitation again -
"And I would do it all again. I would not trade one moment of the loving for the assurance of a predictable outcome or protection of my pride."
I stood there today - God, that very same place staring out into the garden - he came up from behind, his arms around me... and the thought that washed over me "this is where it all started, and this is where it's ending". I shared it with him, well...the first part, he addressed the second part - said, "and no, it's not ending here".
Everything has a place and time, a purpose. We're evolving from something to something else, and I'm not sure what we will be, but I do know this: I am grateful for knowing him, feel profoundly fortunate to have been able to experience the depth and connection we have, and I wouldn't give one moment of it up, to stop any possible pain, wouldn't make it less so I can reduce the risk, wouldn't trade it for - "the assurance of a predictable outcome or protection of my pride."
We've touched each other, the inside places, secret private places. I believe there is still more touching to do. I won't close to the possibility of whatever else this 'thing' we are has in store for us.
Oh, and not just because the sex is amazing either! *laughing*
posted by MysticSpirit (Sass) at 1:29 PM
5 Comments:
draft - is a scary button
where thoughts that need out...get lost.
thank you for sharing this one
Interesting.......
I'm sure the amazing sex helps. ;-)
I'm here for ya babe...take my hand if you need to...
wire walking...yeah, we do that
jesus! tell me this was YOUR decision tell me no guy did anything but thank his lucky stars you gave him the time of day, worship every inch of your body, and enjoy any piece of your soul you were willing to share!
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